Blessing in disguise

Heeeyyyy friends, readers, stalkers … hehe … Sorry I haven’t  been updating my blog for quite a while now. About 2 months to be exact.  Same old reason since 5 years ago– life happens. huhu…

Anyways, my 2017 has been a blessing in disguise. Well, the starting of this year was quite rough. A lot of things had happened (read previous posts) and definitely had a hard time. I never thought that I would be able to live normally so fast. Early this semester, I thought of taking a gap year, dropping uni, etc. Not being able to focus in class, failing, being depressive when left alone, and thinking  that I was so unlucky that I had to face things that people my age didn’t have to go through. Yes, last semester, negative was my last name. However,  thanks to my friends and family for their endless support, I recovered and alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for all the problems that I faced. I am definitely becoming more mature with the tests that are given to me. All those problems opened my eyes to see who are genuinely nice to my family and I.

Without realizing, second semester came in rushing. My life this semester is taking a huge turn. Things are not the same anymore. I faced problems with people whom I used to call them friends. Honestly, I’ve been sucking it in but people have limits. I have my limit. There are always limits in everything. Limits in making jokes, understanding people, etc. Yet, there are no limits in meeting new people and making new friends. HEHEHE 😀 Soo, introducing my fav friends (as for now… Later when we fight, they will no longer be my favorites hahah)

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With ’em nuggetz (missing ena) 

So our friendship started with food. We feed each other and we never stop feeding each other. Then, from food, level unlock to group study sessions. From study sessions, we go to gym together and thus, our friendship is getting stronger and clinger day by day which results in me sleeping at their place everyday. Note: they are my neighbors so we only live a few blocks away. Can’t lie, hands down, I really like my friendship with them (as for now) because we are being very transparent with each other without getting offended (because ain’t nobody got time for that), we are very supportive (this is 10/10– real) and we always make jokes so we have a lot of inside jokes.

This semester, I’ve found reasons of why I failed a unit. I’ve found reasons of why I faced problems with some people. I’ve found reasons of why things happened this way. Everything is a blessing in disguise. I may not see it when bad things happened the way they did. But now, everything is crystal clear. If you don’t like being with the people you are hanging out now, don’t force yourself and find new people that will make you happy. Always be positive and surround yourself with people that are positive because that reflects you as a person.

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Reset. Renew

Hey yall ~ hehe ;D Story time:

The starting of this year was very rough as many have already known from my previous posts. It was so rough that my mid term examinations went downhill. I recovered again after autumn break but there wasn’t enough time for me to bring my grades up after I did terribly in my exams and assessments. That’s that. My love life didn’t go as good as expected as well. After three years, I finally set my eyes again on someone but before I even began anything, the dude got himself a girlfriend. My confidence and self- esteem also went down and when I got back home, I decided to open up to some people and have a heart to heart talk because I need to know what I need to improve. After talking it out to my friends and acquaintances, my priorities are becoming much clearer. It felt like I’ve found myself again.

Last month, I am finally 21. Thus, I decided that I want to change. In order to feel like I am actually gonna start new, I got a haircut and muted everyone who I feel are toxic in my life and in my progress of becoming better. I received a present from my best friend and it was delivered to my house. I was very touched to be very honest. There was a candle as well and I decided to blow it out and it really made me feel like I am able to change to be a more confident person whose priorities are on her family and herself. I also decided that I will no longer chase after guys because “crush tend to make your heart crushed”.

Right now, I am happy and feel really blessed for having a supportive parents, siblings, family and friends. The amount of love that I received are gifts that I couldn’t ask for. The way I celebrated my birthday with my family was also a cherry on top despite the unsolved problems that are stressing all of us out. When I arrived Sydney, my friends were also able to gave a surprise for my belated birthday. I was honestly about to cry because I was so touched. I know my friends’ and my family’s schedule and I know how busy life is right now. Yet, they still made the time to make me feel appreciated.

 

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Super touched #1
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Super touched #2
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Super touched #3 Even though you copied this from the Liverpool chant since high school, you never lied about this. I never walked alone. Thank you for always being there for me even when I was at my worst :”””)

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Blessed 🙂
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Thankful enough for having them as my family

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The best part of Sydney is them :’)
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21 is a sexy age 😉

Salam perantauan

Hi!!  I feel like updating and give this story away because I’ve been receiving messages from my friends and many asked how I celebrated my raya and my Ramadan.

Ramadan was real good. No joke. My housemates and I took turns to cook and lead the prayers. We usually cook our own meals which means having to cook for extra 5 people was a little bit challenging for me. I suck at estimating the portions. Anyways, when it was my turn, cooking wasn’t the hardest. The hardest part was thinking of the meal that I needed to cook and hoping that everyone like the cooking. Thankfully, no one get sick or food poisoning. Phew.

Oh cooking is one thing but leading the prayers is another thing. Did I tell you that I got so nervous when I first needed to lead the prayers? Holy cow! I was even more nervous leading my housemates compared to my family! I actually had to do some revisions with my readings and all. I lost my voice halfway through and yeah it was terrible. By the second and the third time, I got better hahaha so it was actually a good experience.

Oh and during Ramadan, I also had my finals so there was actually one time where I break my fast while I was taking my exam and only God knows how hungry I was at that time. So yeah, that’s more or less of how I celebrated Ramadan this year.

But how was my Raya celebration went?

Well first of all, Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslim friends! This year is my first time that I am celebrating Eid away from my family. A celebration that was full of sweet bitter memories. A night before the official celebration, it actually felt like home. We decided to cook rendang, sambal tumis (my housemates call it sambal bilis), kuah lodeh, sambal kacang and ketupat instant (they were delicious!). We also baked kuih raya and that night we had preparation for raya where everyone cleaned the house, put kuihs in the container while listening to raya songs. Not to mention that everyone in the house was video calling their family including me. I started getting emotional when I called my sisters and my mom. I thought I wasn’t gonna cry. I thought I was ‘kental’ enough but dammit jokes on me. So yeah that night it felt like raya, it felt like home.

The next morning, there was a big celebration at Malaysian Hall. I got up pretty early because I decided to actually dress nicely hehehe. Went there for solat raya, then ate (I set my expectation too high so I ended up getting disappointed sebab tak sedap. I thought makanan penjara huhu), then the usual- pictures. After I don’t know how many pictures were taken, we all decided to go home and sleep. Then at night, some friends decided to come so I actually didn’t ended up eating my own kuih. Thank you for coming over :’). You guys made my first day of raya felt like raya.

Well, first day I slay with my high heels and all, second day I slaykeh. It was just like another day and on the third day, my friend, Zoe invited me over. At first we went to Alexendria the ground then we hit to the beach. I kid you not, that day I witnessed the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen! The sound of the waves made the scenery extra beautiful. It was just amazing and I had a great time. When I went to her place, her parents were so nice to me as well and she got cute dog, Holly.

For an Australian setting, my raya probably sounds good and fun.

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My new (not so new) friends in Sydney :’) _ Missing emy_
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My future bridesmaids (oso missing emy) cuz she was having a great time rayaing in Malaysia
I think this was supposed to be candid.
Jump shots are the hardest but we tried anyway
Day well spent~ I don’t think I can survive uni without her. No joke.
Her parents and her dog were the sweetest
The view @ La Perouse is 10/10

One step closer.

 

Without realizing it is already May and it has been almost 4 months since the biggest life changing event incident happened to my family. I must admit that the first two months of the semester really destroyed me as a person. The fact that my summer vacation turned into a nightmare was really hard to believe. I am taking Exercise and Sports Science for my degree and of course I have to learn things such as giving first aid and etc. So it made it harder for me to focus because I couldn’t run from thinking about the incident. Plus the same picture of the incident kept on replaying in my mind. At times I had hard times breathing and I felt suffocated, and when I was in lectures, my mind went completely blank and I just couldn’t listen to what my lecturers were talking about. I spent times crying in the shower, buses and trains. Yeah, it was that bad. But I tried to keep going. I swear I tried because I felt especially bad to those who sponsored for my tuition fees for this semester.

At a certain point, I decided to bring myself up again because I know my dad wouldn’t like to see me acting the way I did. So I told my housemates to write me motivational notes so that I could stick them on my board, whenever I miss talking my dad, I write letters to him (in which they will remain undelivered in this world), I tried writing motivational quotes for myself and I tried giving myself a pep talk every morning in front of the mirror and during autumn break, I went traveling with my friends and just enjoyed the good companies. Every time I was feeling extremely depressed, I kept giving myself reasons to why I can’t behave the way I did. I realized that I am the one who is in charge of how I feel. As sad as I may be, I am the one who decides whether I should let myself getting destroyed because I am in control of my emotions. I gave myself some thoughts and I realized that there are people who are going through worse than what my family and I are going through. I also realized that whenever I feel sad, it was me who decided to feel sad and that same goes with being happy.

I may look like a woman with a heart of steel. I may look like I am strong inside out. But just with a fact that I am a human being, I do feel sad, and I am fragile. So I am very thankful and feeling very blessed with the fact that I am surrounded with good friends. The friends who constantly give me mental supports and keep checking up on me every once in a while to see whether I am doing okay or not. To all my friends, thank you so much I just don’t know how to pay this debt. Just letting you know, I am starting to accept the reality and fate that Allah has given me.

 

Here’s a short video of my autumn break trip to Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

 

 

Welcome 2016

Happy New Year guise!!! I hope you guys all enjoyed your New Year’s celebration…

How was my celebration? Uhm, let’s see. I didn’t celebrate it haha. Honestly, I wasn’t even waiting for the clock to hit 1200 o’clock for 2016. I thought well, it’s just going to be another year. “New year, new me” hahah really? I mean obviously every year people change. People are not gonna stay the same each year… Including me. Thoughts, personality, looks,.. everything. You name it. They all changed.

For me? I don’t know. 2015 did quite a lot of damaged on me and I’ve noticed myself changing each year. I’m not the same as I was 2 or 3 years ago. I was happier, enjoying things, fewer problem I think. The way I think, and look at things,… they are all different now. My defense mechanism also changed. How different though?

Well back then, I was more optimistic, cheerful, do things that actually make me happy and most of the time, I feel at ease. I never cared of how I look, the way I dressed or what I think about how people look at me. But I think as I grow older, I feel myself changing,… more mature (?) and surprisingly, I started taking people’s nasty comments seriously. I’m still optimistic but it wasn’t the same as I was few years ago. I’m still happy but happy in a different way… Actually now, I’d say I feel more blessed instead of happy.

Seriously, I hate the fact that these nasty comments started creeping in my soul… Like “you are so fat. You need to lose some weight.”, “ I think you should take care of your face because look at those pimples.” , “ you’re so stupid.” , “be a little bit more feminine. You’re a girl, not a tomboy.”… etc etc etc. People have been telling me these stuffs since few years ago… Family, friends (new/old), everyone… you name it. But I didn’t care. I gave zero fucks. I just laughed it off… But like now, whoa… I can’t believe that I’m letting those comments affect me. At some point, I take these comments as a challenge to change. But then, why should I change? For people? Hell no. I don’t live to satisfy people. But since it’s been bothering me a lot for a while now, and it’s 2016, so it’s game time! I’m going to change for myself and just to make your jaw drop, eyes poppin’, heart melt (lol joke)

Hahah but for real though, if you guys set goals to change, change for yourself and change to be better. Don’t do it for other people cuz they don’t worth your time. If you haven’t live a happy life, take this chance to live happily. If you get hurt a lot because of others, lower your expectations. But that doesn’t mean that you should stop loving people. Love first, then you’ll be loved.