Reset. Renew

Hey yall ~ hehe ;D Story time:

The starting of this year was very rough as many have already known from my previous posts. It was so rough that my mid term examinations went downhill. I recovered again after autumn break but there wasn’t enough time for me to bring my grades up after I did terribly in my exams and assessments. That’s that. My love life didn’t go as good as expected as well. After three years, I finally set my eyes again on someone but before I even began anything, the dude got himself a girlfriend. My confidence and self- esteem also went down and when I got back home, I decided to open up to some people and have a heart to heart talk because I need to know what I need to improve. After talking it out to my friends and acquaintances, my priorities are becoming much clearer. It felt like I’ve found myself again.

Last month, I am finally 21. Thus, I decided that I want to change. In order to feel like I am actually gonna start new, I got a haircut and muted everyone who I feel are toxic in my life and in my progress of becoming better. I received a present from my best friend and it was delivered to my house. I was very touched to be very honest. There was a candle as well and I decided to blow it out and it really made me feel like I am able to change to be a more confident person whose priorities are on her family and herself. I also decided that I will no longer chase after guys because “crush tend to make your heart crushed”.

Right now, I am happy and feel really blessed for having a supportive parents, siblings, family and friends. The amount of love that I received are gifts that I couldn’t ask for. The way I celebrated my birthday with my family was also a cherry on top despite the unsolved problems that are stressing all of us out. When I arrived Sydney, my friends were also able to gave a surprise for my belated birthday. I was honestly about to cry because I was so touched. I know my friends’ and my family’s schedule and I know how busy life is right now. Yet, they still made the time to make me feel appreciated.

 

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Super touched #1
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Super touched #2
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Super touched #3 Even though you copied this from the Liverpool chant since high school, you never lied about this. I never walked alone. Thank you for always being there for me even when I was at my worst :”””)

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Blessed 🙂
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Thankful enough for having them as my family

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The best part of Sydney is them :’)
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21 is a sexy age 😉

Salam perantauan

Hi!!  I feel like updating and give this story away because I’ve been receiving messages from my friends and many asked how I celebrated my raya and my Ramadan.

Ramadan was real good. No joke. My housemates and I took turns to cook and lead the prayers. We usually cook our own meals which means having to cook for extra 5 people was a little bit challenging for me. I suck at estimating the portions. Anyways, when it was my turn, cooking wasn’t the hardest. The hardest part was thinking of the meal that I needed to cook and hoping that everyone like the cooking. Thankfully, no one get sick or food poisoning. Phew.

Oh cooking is one thing but leading the prayers is another thing. Did I tell you that I got so nervous when I first needed to lead the prayers? Holy cow! I was even more nervous leading my housemates compared to my family! I actually had to do some revisions with my readings and all. I lost my voice halfway through and yeah it was terrible. By the second and the third time, I got better hahaha so it was actually a good experience.

Oh and during Ramadan, I also had my finals so there was actually one time where I break my fast while I was taking my exam and only God knows how hungry I was at that time. So yeah, that’s more or less of how I celebrated Ramadan this year.

But how was my Raya celebration went?

Well first of all, Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslim friends! This year is my first time that I am celebrating Eid away from my family. A celebration that was full of sweet bitter memories. A night before the official celebration, it actually felt like home. We decided to cook rendang, sambal tumis (my housemates call it sambal bilis), kuah lodeh, sambal kacang and ketupat instant (they were delicious!). We also baked kuih raya and that night we had preparation for raya where everyone cleaned the house, put kuihs in the container while listening to raya songs. Not to mention that everyone in the house was video calling their family including me. I started getting emotional when I called my sisters and my mom. I thought I wasn’t gonna cry. I thought I was ‘kental’ enough but dammit jokes on me. So yeah that night it felt like raya, it felt like home.

The next morning, there was a big celebration at Malaysian Hall. I got up pretty early because I decided to actually dress nicely hehehe. Went there for solat raya, then ate (I set my expectation too high so I ended up getting disappointed sebab tak sedap. I thought makanan penjara huhu), then the usual- pictures. After I don’t know how many pictures were taken, we all decided to go home and sleep. Then at night, some friends decided to come so I actually didn’t ended up eating my own kuih. Thank you for coming over :’). You guys made my first day of raya felt like raya.

Well, first day I slay with my high heels and all, second day I slaykeh. It was just like another day and on the third day, my friend, Zoe invited me over. At first we went to Alexendria the ground then we hit to the beach. I kid you not, that day I witnessed the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen! The sound of the waves made the scenery extra beautiful. It was just amazing and I had a great time. When I went to her place, her parents were so nice to me as well and she got cute dog, Holly.

For an Australian setting, my raya probably sounds good and fun.

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My new (not so new) friends in Sydney :’) _ Missing emy_
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My future bridesmaids (oso missing emy) cuz she was having a great time rayaing in Malaysia
I think this was supposed to be candid.
Jump shots are the hardest but we tried anyway
Day well spent~ I don’t think I can survive uni without her. No joke.
Her parents and her dog were the sweetest
The view @ La Perouse is 10/10

One step closer.

 

Without realizing it is already May and it has been almost 4 months since the biggest life changing event incident happened to my family. I must admit that the first two months of the semester really destroyed me as a person. The fact that my summer vacation turned into a nightmare was really hard to believe. I am taking Exercise and Sports Science for my degree and of course I have to learn things such as giving first aid and etc. So it made it harder for me to focus because I couldn’t run from thinking about the incident. Plus the same picture of the incident kept on replaying in my mind. At times I had hard times breathing and I felt suffocated, and when I was in lectures, my mind went completely blank and I just couldn’t listen to what my lecturers were talking about. I spent times crying in the shower, buses and trains. Yeah, it was that bad. But I tried to keep going. I swear I tried because I felt especially bad to those who sponsored for my tuition fees for this semester.

At a certain point, I decided to bring myself up again because I know my dad wouldn’t like to see me acting the way I did. So I told my housemates to write me motivational notes so that I could stick them on my board, whenever I miss talking my dad, I write letters to him (in which they will remain undelivered in this world), I tried writing motivational quotes for myself and I tried giving myself a pep talk every morning in front of the mirror and during autumn break, I went traveling with my friends and just enjoyed the good companies. Every time I was feeling extremely depressed, I kept giving myself reasons to why I can’t behave the way I did. I realized that I am the one who is in charge of how I feel. As sad as I may be, I am the one who decides whether I should let myself getting destroyed because I am in control of my emotions. I gave myself some thoughts and I realized that there are people who are going through worse than what my family and I are going through. I also realized that whenever I feel sad, it was me who decided to feel sad and that same goes with being happy.

I may look like a woman with a heart of steel. I may look like I am strong inside out. But just with a fact that I am a human being, I do feel sad, and I am fragile. So I am very thankful and feeling very blessed with the fact that I am surrounded with good friends. The friends who constantly give me mental supports and keep checking up on me every once in a while to see whether I am doing okay or not. To all my friends, thank you so much I just don’t know how to pay this debt. Just letting you know, I am starting to accept the reality and fate that Allah has given me.

 

Here’s a short video of my autumn break trip to Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

 

 

Week 4 Special!

Do you really think it was special? HAHA you fool . Lol kidding xD

Anyway, I was supposed to have an update about last week but I was really busy and I am getting busier each day! STRESS! So if you are/were wondering what happened last week, why Nura also didn’t update about last Sunday, let me answer your question and confusion. Hahaha . I only went on a Sundate with Afiqah because there was a trackwork that day and the trains that go from Nura’s place to the city didn’t work. Shucks. Movingg right along ~

We planned to go to TAFE’s library, get our work done and then go to Circular Quay because it was the Opera House opening day– free of charge to get in there! But then first, unluckily the library didn’t open ! So Afiqah suggested that we work on our assignments at a cafe because we literally had no where to go . No backup plans. But like duhhh, cafe + assignment + friend = work for 5 mins then talk for the rest of the time; which was exactly what we did. As a regular customer, for lunch of course we ended up going to … GUESS! Yes, you are correct! Time For Thai! So we enjoyed our lunch there and decided to make our move to Circular Quay. Half way through the tunnel, we realized that we have to register first to get in even though it was free of charge but we didn’t because we didn’t. So, U-turn hahaha and we ended up talking nonsense, went to priceline (a pharmacy) and Afiqah got herself a sunscreen, etc. We ended up going home after that hahahahah

But on the same day it was my housemate’s birthday and so the rest of my housemates and I planned to surprise her! Not bad huh? Blew a lot of balloons, got pizzas, and other snacks, guitar and a little bit of Birthday song preparation. Ahh, you know the party stuff hahaha. So yeah we got things ready and started our moves by 8:00 PM. Had so much fun and the whipping cream that we bought, we ended up wasting it on each other, and on the floor which made me ended up showering AGAIN at around 12AM and cleaned the house at 11PM. Amazing. A night to remember.

So what’s so special about week 4? What’s so special about it? Nothing hahah. But this is my first video that I’ll be posting because I’d like to share the time I spent with my Afiqah babe and surprise birthday late party! So I guess that should be a little bit special eh? But, heads up… It will be a very crappy video because I don’t really like editing videos and I’m putting the video up because the events were different.

(sorry, my internet is being such a butthole; the video won’t upload and my video editing is crappy)

^ HAHAH, I finally got it uploaded xD sorry!

P/S: If you want to know about what happened last (last) Sunday, check out Nura’s blog . It was a fun lazy Sunday 😉 + this post was written 10 days ago HAHA