Reset. Renew

Hey yall ~ hehe ;D Story time:

The starting of this year was very rough as many have already known from my previous posts. It was so rough that my mid term examinations went downhill. I recovered again after autumn break but there wasn’t enough time for me to bring my grades up after I did terribly in my exams and assessments. That’s that. My love life didn’t go as good as expected as well. After three years, I finally set my eyes again on someone but before I even began anything, the dude got himself a girlfriend. My confidence and self- esteem also went down and when I got back home, I decided to open up to some people and have a heart to heart talk because I need to know what I need to improve. After talking it out to my friends and acquaintances, my priorities are becoming much clearer. It felt like I’ve found myself again.

Last month, I am finally 21. Thus, I decided that I want to change. In order to feel like I am actually gonna start new, I got a haircut and muted everyone who I feel are toxic in my life and in my progress of becoming better. I received a present from my best friend and it was delivered to my house. I was very touched to be very honest. There was a candle as well and I decided to blow it out and it really made me feel like I am able to change to be a more confident person whose priorities are on her family and herself. I also decided that I will no longer chase after guys because “crush tend to make your heart crushed”.

Right now, I am happy and feel really blessed for having a supportive parents, siblings, family and friends. The amount of love that I received are gifts that I couldn’t ask for. The way I celebrated my birthday with my family was also a cherry on top despite the unsolved problems that are stressing all of us out. When I arrived Sydney, my friends were also able to gave a surprise for my belated birthday. I was honestly about to cry because I was so touched. I know my friends’ and my family’s schedule and I know how busy life is right now. Yet, they still made the time to make me feel appreciated.

 

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Super touched #1
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Super touched #2
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Super touched #3 Even though you copied this from the Liverpool chant since high school, you never lied about this. I never walked alone. Thank you for always being there for me even when I was at my worst :”””)

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Blessed 🙂
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Thankful enough for having them as my family

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The best part of Sydney is them :’)
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21 is a sexy age 😉

Salam perantauan

Hi!!  I feel like updating and give this story away because I’ve been receiving messages from my friends and many asked how I celebrated my raya and my Ramadan.

Ramadan was real good. No joke. My housemates and I took turns to cook and lead the prayers. We usually cook our own meals which means having to cook for extra 5 people was a little bit challenging for me. I suck at estimating the portions. Anyways, when it was my turn, cooking wasn’t the hardest. The hardest part was thinking of the meal that I needed to cook and hoping that everyone like the cooking. Thankfully, no one get sick or food poisoning. Phew.

Oh cooking is one thing but leading the prayers is another thing. Did I tell you that I got so nervous when I first needed to lead the prayers? Holy cow! I was even more nervous leading my housemates compared to my family! I actually had to do some revisions with my readings and all. I lost my voice halfway through and yeah it was terrible. By the second and the third time, I got better hahaha so it was actually a good experience.

Oh and during Ramadan, I also had my finals so there was actually one time where I break my fast while I was taking my exam and only God knows how hungry I was at that time. So yeah, that’s more or less of how I celebrated Ramadan this year.

But how was my Raya celebration went?

Well first of all, Eid Mubarak to all my fellow Muslim friends! This year is my first time that I am celebrating Eid away from my family. A celebration that was full of sweet bitter memories. A night before the official celebration, it actually felt like home. We decided to cook rendang, sambal tumis (my housemates call it sambal bilis), kuah lodeh, sambal kacang and ketupat instant (they were delicious!). We also baked kuih raya and that night we had preparation for raya where everyone cleaned the house, put kuihs in the container while listening to raya songs. Not to mention that everyone in the house was video calling their family including me. I started getting emotional when I called my sisters and my mom. I thought I wasn’t gonna cry. I thought I was ‘kental’ enough but dammit jokes on me. So yeah that night it felt like raya, it felt like home.

The next morning, there was a big celebration at Malaysian Hall. I got up pretty early because I decided to actually dress nicely hehehe. Went there for solat raya, then ate (I set my expectation too high so I ended up getting disappointed sebab tak sedap. I thought makanan penjara huhu), then the usual- pictures. After I don’t know how many pictures were taken, we all decided to go home and sleep. Then at night, some friends decided to come so I actually didn’t ended up eating my own kuih. Thank you for coming over :’). You guys made my first day of raya felt like raya.

Well, first day I slay with my high heels and all, second day I slaykeh. It was just like another day and on the third day, my friend, Zoe invited me over. At first we went to Alexendria the ground then we hit to the beach. I kid you not, that day I witnessed the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen! The sound of the waves made the scenery extra beautiful. It was just amazing and I had a great time. When I went to her place, her parents were so nice to me as well and she got cute dog, Holly.

For an Australian setting, my raya probably sounds good and fun.

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My new (not so new) friends in Sydney :’) _ Missing emy_
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My future bridesmaids (oso missing emy) cuz she was having a great time rayaing in Malaysia
I think this was supposed to be candid.
Jump shots are the hardest but we tried anyway
Day well spent~ I don’t think I can survive uni without her. No joke.
Her parents and her dog were the sweetest
The view @ La Perouse is 10/10

One step closer.

 

Without realizing it is already May and it has been almost 4 months since the biggest life changing event incident happened to my family. I must admit that the first two months of the semester really destroyed me as a person. The fact that my summer vacation turned into a nightmare was really hard to believe. I am taking Exercise and Sports Science for my degree and of course I have to learn things such as giving first aid and etc. So it made it harder for me to focus because I couldn’t run from thinking about the incident. Plus the same picture of the incident kept on replaying in my mind. At times I had hard times breathing and I felt suffocated, and when I was in lectures, my mind went completely blank and I just couldn’t listen to what my lecturers were talking about. I spent times crying in the shower, buses and trains. Yeah, it was that bad. But I tried to keep going. I swear I tried because I felt especially bad to those who sponsored for my tuition fees for this semester.

At a certain point, I decided to bring myself up again because I know my dad wouldn’t like to see me acting the way I did. So I told my housemates to write me motivational notes so that I could stick them on my board, whenever I miss talking my dad, I write letters to him (in which they will remain undelivered in this world), I tried writing motivational quotes for myself and I tried giving myself a pep talk every morning in front of the mirror and during autumn break, I went traveling with my friends and just enjoyed the good companies. Every time I was feeling extremely depressed, I kept giving myself reasons to why I can’t behave the way I did. I realized that I am the one who is in charge of how I feel. As sad as I may be, I am the one who decides whether I should let myself getting destroyed because I am in control of my emotions. I gave myself some thoughts and I realized that there are people who are going through worse than what my family and I are going through. I also realized that whenever I feel sad, it was me who decided to feel sad and that same goes with being happy.

I may look like a woman with a heart of steel. I may look like I am strong inside out. But just with a fact that I am a human being, I do feel sad, and I am fragile. So I am very thankful and feeling very blessed with the fact that I am surrounded with good friends. The friends who constantly give me mental supports and keep checking up on me every once in a while to see whether I am doing okay or not. To all my friends, thank you so much I just don’t know how to pay this debt. Just letting you know, I am starting to accept the reality and fate that Allah has given me.

 

Here’s a short video of my autumn break trip to Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

 

 

Spring/Autumn break ’16

Friends, travel, food.  What else could be the happiest thing that I’ve done throughout my spring break this year? At first I thought my spring break was not gonna be as lit as my previous breaks when I was still in high school. But who knew that my spring break this year was one of the remarkable breaks I’ve ever had (away from family)? When I first heard that my housemates’ friends were coming from Melbourne and Brisbane and stay at our place for the break, I thought  I was doomed. Ah, another awkward ‘hi, hello’ thing again. And of course I was feeling a little bit anxious because I was worried that I might not be able to break the ice. I was worried that they might not be as crazy as I am because I can seriously get out of hand if I’m excited lol. Plus, I was just about to get closer to my new housemates. Yikes.

Ah as expected, it was awkward ‘hi, hello’ when I first met them but that didn’t last long. Hours past and viola ~  Right after I got back from the Malaysian Ball, all 10 girls in the house got along with each other. We talked and we laughed for hours past our bed time forgetting the itinerary that we had for the next day; and the journey started then.

The next morning, EVERYONE was late. E V E R Y O N E. Boys, girls, all of us were rushing. We were supposed to meet at Central Station by 730AM but our schedule was delayed about an hour. Not guilty because it was pretty early for us. During the 2-3 hours train to Blue Mountains, the girls went back to sleep but I wasn’t sure about the guys. Probably they were not sleeping throughout the whole journey since I heard them talking the whole time. Upon our arrival, we got off the carriage like goats getting released to eat grass at a field. To express the greatness of our trip to Blue Mountains, the one day trip was worth it though I pretty much gambled the trip because money was such a huge pain in an ass. It was the end of the month, and I was broke and the money that my dad wired in was taking forever to get into my bank account. But fun is fun. No regret.

Long story, short:

Day 1: Blue Mountain + Time for Thai for dinner after we got back from Blue Mountains. Got home around 10-11 PM ish, stalked each others’ Facebook, commented on old pictures. Probably the highlight of our break.

Day 2: Sydney sightseeing. First, we went to Chinese Garden of Friendship and took lots of royalty pictures. HAHAH. Then, we took a ferry, passed the harbour bridge, went to Opera house, the usual tourist trip y’know. Lots of pictures and lots of love. Then we had dinner at Pancake on Rocks, and they made the best pancake I’ve ever tasted in my 20 years life. It was bomb dot com. Btw, it is recommended. A must try! hehe

Day 3: Bondi to Cooge coastal walk. A lot of walking. A L O T. And a lot of stopping for pictures too. Honestly I couldn’t remember what and where we ate for dinner. Probably it was Time for Thai again but, didn’t skip dinner fosho.

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The Joyahs ft. Mirasal (MIA)

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Day 3_Group picture wee~

Day 4: Souvenirs stop and we went to  Paddy’s Market, a very well-known hotspot for cheap souvenirs. After that we went for ice skating cuz it was free but we sucked at it. Still no regrets.

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Last Joyah’s group photo taken before Lins & Mun and Dee and Tasha left

Anywaaays, if you got a super fast wifi and a lot of data to waste, click the videos to watch the fun trip 😉

Throwback high school

Hey guys! I got that throwback, missing people moment today and guess what I found? A lot from last year! Here are the three videos that I found while looking through my folders.

A video of my class, Class of 2015 walking around the school for a clap out.

 

A video of my class, Class of 2015 receiving our diploma; officially completed High school.

A very motivating speech from my beloved teacher and friend, Ronnie Caldwell (still need to find my time to post this up).

I was just watching these two videos that my dad recorded and I was literally like damn. I miss high school. I should have spent my last year in high school better while sending lots of love to everyone.

Check those videos out, if and only if you are interested! Otherwise, leave it. HEHEHEH

What it feels like to be an international student

After 1 month, I finally got a wifi set up in my house. Yay! More post to update. Hewhewhewhew. I’ve been writing on word docs wondering when I will be able to post it. Obviously I can bring my laptop to class and post it up there but you know the feels are different. I feel more excited posting it up when I am home on my study table. Anyway, enjoy the post that I wrote few weeks ago!

Perks of being an international student

If you read my title, you’d probably thinking that maybe you will be able to relate to my post or maybe you are thinking of how lucky international students are. But this is why I am actually writing this post. I will tell you how somewhat lucky for being local students.

So this is what I think is like to be an international students.

Honestly, having friends around you are like bomb dot com. That’s how most students are able to cope with teachers and the stressfulness of the assignments and exams and stuffs. But a very little percentage of people like to be alone and I am definitely not one. Duh. Here’s the catch.

If you are one of the local students, just know that you are so lucky because when you go back to your hometown once you entered college or uni, you know there will be some friends waiting for you. You know that you will be able to have a mini reunion with your friends. And you will be so amazed looking at each other and realizing how matured you have become. You will be so amazed at how good looking your friends are. If you have your little clique since you were in elementary, you can meet each other once seasonal breaks start! Good lord, do you guys have any ideas what international students like me would do when I go home and there’s no one for me to meet?

Okay, fine maybe I do have about one or two that I was closed with back when I was in elementary. But again, they are not the people where I spent my time together since middle school. They are not the people who I spent my time ranting about my boyfriend cheated on me or how I was such an asshole for betraying my best friend and spent days crying in my room (because guilty lol). They are not the people who were with me when I was at my worst and when I was the top shining super-star! The feelings are different. Because you know, once you graduated from high school or once your family moved to a different country or city, the chance of meeting your friends altogether again is almost impossible.

Talking from own experiences you know how shitty I felt when I look at my last yearbook? You know how shitty I felt when I look at my album and saw pictures of my friends and realizing that it was the end of our bonding. You know how shitty I felt every single time I think about how far we are physically from each other and realizing that it is almost impossible for all of us to be reunited again? And do you know what is the shittiest? Facing the painful reality that on your wedding day, most probably none of them will be able to make it.

At this point on, I have always wanted to have my own little group of friends where I can be myself and not worry about getting judged. I’ve always wanted the slumber party at our own rent apartment where we can talk about anything, and watch movies and just fall asleep. Oh, life would be if I have my best friends around right now. But I guess it is time to move on and just make new friends and spend ample amount of time together. Enjoy while it lasts!

Friends?

It is common to have a sudden thought when you are in your shower. Of course, I am one of those people that think a lot especially when I’m in shower. Sometimes I think about the weirdest thing possible. But anyways, today I decided to share what I thought about.

I was just thinking about friends. It makes me wonder what is friend? What is the meaning of friend? Who are my friends? Who do I consider as my friends? Do I consider people as my friend by how much I hangout with them? Or the longer I’m stuck with someone, do I consider that as a friendship? Or to people that I share my secrets to? What is friend?

Last time I had a talk with someone. I see her as my friend of course but that does not mean she sees me as her friend too no? We did a little bit of catching up about our lives and all and out of the blue, I just thought about our conversation. We both complained about our other friends. And we rant about them. We were not satisfied with what we feel towards them. But we still consider ourselves as their friends. We hang out with them. Talk to them. At the same time, we talk bad about them to other people. While I was in my shower, massaging my head with shampoo, I think that it is not fair for all of my friends. Especially those who I talk bad about. I feel like if I’m not satisfied with them I should confront about it like how I usually do with my siblings or my parents. If I don’t feel good about them, I tell them and they accepted it with open heart. No awkwardness. No touchy-feelings. Nothing. It usually just ended up with, ‘Alright, okay okay, sorry. Won’t do it again’. But why can’t I do the same thing with my friends?

Sure, maybe I’m afraid that they might get sensitive about it. But again, if they are really your friends, shouldn’t they accept it? Idk. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends. I feel like I’m so distant to everyone. Everyone that I consider as friends. I’m not sure if it’s because of the long-distance friendship that I’m having; that it is making it like this. Or, I’m just thinking too much about the word ‘friend’.

Anyway, to all my friends that I talk behind to with other people (also usually my other group of friends), I’m sorry. I don’t think it is fair for you guys to deserve such bad mouthing from me while you guys text me and ask how I’m doing. How hypocrite of me and that’s really unfair. But next time if I tell you something about you that doesn’t satisfy me, please accept it without making it awkward with being sensitive about it. And of course, as I’m very aware about myself, I’m annoying. Like I can be extremely annoying that most of the time you really just want to punch me in the face. And if you do feel like that, please let me know as well. Just tell me straight to the point without beating around the bush.