Winter/Summer ’16

Summer in Northern Hemisphere but, it was winter for me since I live in Southern Hemisphere. Nothing special just the season got a little messy. Anyways, summer break is always my favorite because it is one of my breaks that I got to see my fambam and spend a lot of time with them without worrying about anything. You name it, grades, alarm clock, food to eat, transportation. My soul was free from stress.

So let’s catch up to what happened in summer.I know my post is very late but I guess better late than never 😀

I had fun. A lot of fun. My face was glowing like Edward Cullen in Twilight. There was so much fun that I don’t think I can even describe it. But that should not be a worry because I vlogged. I literally took video of the whole summer trip in which y’all can check it in the video below:

To be honest, it was hard for me to edit the video because I obviously couldn’t fit my whole fun month in just few minutes! But I tried. I couldn’t edit the whole trip but at least the fun clips are there hehe….

Last summer my fambam and I went for the Malaysia road trip. From Johor, we went all the way to the Northern part of Malaysia ~ On our way, we stopped by a lot of places visiting extended relatives mostly from my dad’s side because mom’s side are mostly in Johor. heheh… So we covered almost the whole Malaysia (except pantai timur and borneo though) … you name it… Melaka, Negeri Sembilan, Kedah, Perak, KL, Penang… all covered! And of course, I’m very blessed, grateful and couldn’t ask for more than this! After the road trip, it wasn’t the end of my vacation though. hahah. I still had a lot of fun in Johor which is my hometown. Guess what was the highlight of my vacation when I was in Johor? HERHERHER

I frickin watched a football match at a stadium for the firstt timee in 19 years! It was seriously so exciting! AND our team won on the home ground ! WAHEHEO

More to come~ Look forward to my spring/autumn break ’16 ~ 😀

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I’m a sinner

Hey y’all . I know I still have to post a writing about Eid and Summer vacay ’16 but lol I still need to edit the videos. Right now my schedule is quite packed but I’m just trying to find excuses to procrastinate and try to do something just so I feel like I’m productive. HAHAHA. Anyway, this post is more about a dark past that I’ve been reflecting about.

So yesterday, one of my housemates was very shocked at how her friend was being extremely social. She drank, got a little tipsy and was definitely having a lot of physical contact with her boyfriend. Malaysians are quite a conservative considering that many are Muslims. Plus, we are Asians too so that’s an extra. My housemate was telling us a scene that she witnessed with a lot of emotions which cracked me up so bad hahahha. But, to be very honest, I felt guilty and sad at the same time.

Guilty because I was a girl that is full of sin. When I poured my feelings to a guy I liked, I set no boundaries for myself. But thanks to my insecurities, the boundaries was then set. Which then I realized that I’ve made a mistake. One that I really regret it.

And of course I was sad at the same time. I was sad because the girl still doesn’t realize how valuable she is until life hits her to the bottom pit. Like I was. And if it wasn’t for my family and friends support, I don’t think that I’d be able to be up again.

Throwback high school

Hey guys! I got that throwback, missing people moment today and guess what I found? A lot from last year! Here are the three videos that I found while looking through my folders.

A video of my class, Class of 2015 walking around the school for a clap out.

 

A video of my class, Class of 2015 receiving our diploma; officially completed High school.

A very motivating speech from my beloved teacher and friend, Ronnie Caldwell (still need to find my time to post this up).

I was just watching these two videos that my dad recorded and I was literally like damn. I miss high school. I should have spent my last year in high school better while sending lots of love to everyone.

Check those videos out, if and only if you are interested! Otherwise, leave it. HEHEHEH

What it feels like to be an international student

After 1 month, I finally got a wifi set up in my house. Yay! More post to update. Hewhewhewhew. I’ve been writing on word docs wondering when I will be able to post it. Obviously I can bring my laptop to class and post it up there but you know the feels are different. I feel more excited posting it up when I am home on my study table. Anyway, enjoy the post that I wrote few weeks ago!

Perks of being an international student

If you read my title, you’d probably thinking that maybe you will be able to relate to my post or maybe you are thinking of how lucky international students are. But this is why I am actually writing this post. I will tell you how somewhat lucky for being local students.

So this is what I think is like to be an international students.

Honestly, having friends around you are like bomb dot com. That’s how most students are able to cope with teachers and the stressfulness of the assignments and exams and stuffs. But a very little percentage of people like to be alone and I am definitely not one. Duh. Here’s the catch.

If you are one of the local students, just know that you are so lucky because when you go back to your hometown once you entered college or uni, you know there will be some friends waiting for you. You know that you will be able to have a mini reunion with your friends. And you will be so amazed looking at each other and realizing how matured you have become. You will be so amazed at how good looking your friends are. If you have your little clique since you were in elementary, you can meet each other once seasonal breaks start! Good lord, do you guys have any ideas what international students like me would do when I go home and there’s no one for me to meet?

Okay, fine maybe I do have about one or two that I was closed with back when I was in elementary. But again, they are not the people where I spent my time together since middle school. They are not the people who I spent my time ranting about my boyfriend cheated on me or how I was such an asshole for betraying my best friend and spent days crying in my room (because guilty lol). They are not the people who were with me when I was at my worst and when I was the top shining super-star! The feelings are different. Because you know, once you graduated from high school or once your family moved to a different country or city, the chance of meeting your friends altogether again is almost impossible.

Talking from own experiences you know how shitty I felt when I look at my last yearbook? You know how shitty I felt when I look at my album and saw pictures of my friends and realizing that it was the end of our bonding. You know how shitty I felt every single time I think about how far we are physically from each other and realizing that it is almost impossible for all of us to be reunited again? And do you know what is the shittiest? Facing the painful reality that on your wedding day, most probably none of them will be able to make it.

At this point on, I have always wanted to have my own little group of friends where I can be myself and not worry about getting judged. I’ve always wanted the slumber party at our own rent apartment where we can talk about anything, and watch movies and just fall asleep. Oh, life would be if I have my best friends around right now. But I guess it is time to move on and just make new friends and spend ample amount of time together. Enjoy while it lasts!

Friends?

It is common to have a sudden thought when you are in your shower. Of course, I am one of those people that think a lot especially when I’m in shower. Sometimes I think about the weirdest thing possible. But anyways, today I decided to share what I thought about.

I was just thinking about friends. It makes me wonder what is friend? What is the meaning of friend? Who are my friends? Who do I consider as my friends? Do I consider people as my friend by how much I hangout with them? Or the longer I’m stuck with someone, do I consider that as a friendship? Or to people that I share my secrets to? What is friend?

Last time I had a talk with someone. I see her as my friend of course but that does not mean she sees me as her friend too no? We did a little bit of catching up about our lives and all and out of the blue, I just thought about our conversation. We both complained about our other friends. And we rant about them. We were not satisfied with what we feel towards them. But we still consider ourselves as their friends. We hang out with them. Talk to them. At the same time, we talk bad about them to other people. While I was in my shower, massaging my head with shampoo, I think that it is not fair for all of my friends. Especially those who I talk bad about. I feel like if I’m not satisfied with them I should confront about it like how I usually do with my siblings or my parents. If I don’t feel good about them, I tell them and they accepted it with open heart. No awkwardness. No touchy-feelings. Nothing. It usually just ended up with, ‘Alright, okay okay, sorry. Won’t do it again’. But why can’t I do the same thing with my friends?

Sure, maybe I’m afraid that they might get sensitive about it. But again, if they are really your friends, shouldn’t they accept it? Idk. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends. I feel like I’m so distant to everyone. Everyone that I consider as friends. I’m not sure if it’s because of the long-distance friendship that I’m having; that it is making it like this. Or, I’m just thinking too much about the word ‘friend’.

Anyway, to all my friends that I talk behind to with other people (also usually my other group of friends), I’m sorry. I don’t think it is fair for you guys to deserve such bad mouthing from me while you guys text me and ask how I’m doing. How hypocrite of me and that’s really unfair. But next time if I tell you something about you that doesn’t satisfy me, please accept it without making it awkward with being sensitive about it. And of course, as I’m very aware about myself, I’m annoying. Like I can be extremely annoying that most of the time you really just want to punch me in the face. And if you do feel like that, please let me know as well. Just tell me straight to the point without beating around the bush.

A little bit of catching up?

Hallurrr ~

Damn Nazihah! Back at it again with the studying!

I don’t think I have the time to even update this blog actually. I am so overwhelmed with 3 essays due in 2 weeks + an essay due this week + work + volunteer work. Now it really sounds like I just threw my social life away eh?

But what am I doing here instead of working on my work ? Yeah, I’m updating this blog because I don’t feel like working on my assessments. My motivation level is literally rolling down the hill. I have morning class tomorrow and I have to wake up super early because I need to get ready and it takes me hours just to get myself dressed!

Anyhow… Let’s catch up with my not so interesting life.

My work life is very depressing so I rather not talk about it at all (Working is not fun anyway). My social life is actually not so bad because I didn’t throw it away completely yet. I’m still trying to find time to fit my social life in so I can still at least look like a human. Rather than a panda looking person. My cooking level just gets better every time so dear future husband, you are one lucky man! 😉 HAHA. My uni life, ahh how do I talk about this… UHHH … Dead. Yeah. Dead. That’s the word. So many researches to do and essays to write + presentations to prepare. Not to mention, A GROUP PRESENTATION AS WELL. OH LORD! I don’t know how I’m going to work with my group mates because I seriously don’t know any of them and I just don’t know how to lead this group because obviously no one is bossing me around.

It makes me feel very homesick honestly. I just miss my mom’s cooking. I just miss teasing my grandma at home while she’s sleeping or watching TV. I just miss my family right now. Tough life. I don’t know how my body is even functioning right now because I think I’m overusing it. I need like a good rest and sleep and full body massage.

But at least while I’m complaining and whining about these, my parents and friends…  They listen a lot and they are always encouraging me and leave me with motivational words. So kudos to them!

Daddy said, “Challenges and adversities are there for you to face. Setbacks and challenges are the best teacher in life. Don’t easily give up. Hang on and you will cherish that experiences….”

Mommy always reminds me not to miss my prayers.

Guess I’m all set again?

 

20s!

Hello there! I only have few more days left for my vacation… Sad, I know. I don’t want to go back yet. I am not ready. But that’s life. (I am currently writing this on Feb, 1st, 2016. Probably by the time this post is being posted, I am already in Malaysia celebrating my older sister’s birthday.)

Anyway, most of us are now around our 20s or legal or soon to be legal/20s. We are all growing up and as a matter of fact, sometimes, we don’t even realized that we are already an adult. We don’t feel like we are ready to live on our own. We don’t feel like we are big enough to be paying the bills, rent, tuition fees, etc. We don’t feel like we are responsible enough to be using the kitchen and cooking utensils.

But let’s face it. We are already at that point of life where we are supposed to be accepting the fact that we are no longer a kid. Even though we still feel the same when we were 10, 15, and even 20! You might be feeling the same even later when you reached 30 unless you change the way you think .No. We are no longer in school and the fact that most of us are no longer living with our parents. We are adults. We cook for ourselves, we do our own laundry, we pay our own rent and bills, and we manage our own money whether it being our allowance or our own income. Most importantly, you are your own guardian.

Sometimes I wonder how am I suppose to act like one? How am I supposed to make sure that I don’t rely too much on my parents? Especially after finding out that most of my friends are already making their own money while I am still crawling under my parents armpit looking for care? But then I figured something out. In order for me to act like an adult and be a responsible adult, I have to accept the fact that I am an adult. No matter what.