Throwback high school

Hey guys! I got that throwback, missing people moment today and guess what I found? A lot from last year! Here are the three videos that I found while looking through my folders.

A video of my class, Class of 2015 walking around the school for a clap out.

 

A video of my class, Class of 2015 receiving our diploma; officially completed High school.

A very motivating speech from my beloved teacher and friend, Ronnie Caldwell (still need to find my time to post this up).

I was just watching these two videos that my dad recorded and I was literally like damn. I miss high school. I should have spent my last year in high school better while sending lots of love to everyone.

Check those videos out, if and only if you are interested! Otherwise, leave it. HEHEHEH

What it feels like to be an international student

After 1 month, I finally got a wifi set up in my house. Yay! More post to update. Hewhewhewhew. I’ve been writing on word docs wondering when I will be able to post it. Obviously I can bring my laptop to class and post it up there but you know the feels are different. I feel more excited posting it up when I am home on my study table. Anyway, enjoy the post that I wrote few weeks ago!

Perks of being an international student

If you read my title, you’d probably thinking that maybe you will be able to relate to my post or maybe you are thinking of how lucky international students are. But this is why I am actually writing this post. I will tell you how somewhat lucky for being local students.

So this is what I think is like to be an international students.

Honestly, having friends around you are like bomb dot com. That’s how most students are able to cope with teachers and the stressfulness of the assignments and exams and stuffs. But a very little percentage of people like to be alone and I am definitely not one. Duh. Here’s the catch.

If you are one of the local students, just know that you are so lucky because when you go back to your hometown once you entered college or uni, you know there will be some friends waiting for you. You know that you will be able to have a mini reunion with your friends. And you will be so amazed looking at each other and realizing how matured you have become. You will be so amazed at how good looking your friends are. If you have your little clique since you were in elementary, you can meet each other once seasonal breaks start! Good lord, do you guys have any ideas what international students like me would do when I go home and there’s no one for me to meet?

Okay, fine maybe I do have about one or two that I was closed with back when I was in elementary. But again, they are not the people where I spent my time together since middle school. They are not the people who I spent my time ranting about my boyfriend cheated on me or how I was such an asshole for betraying my best friend and spent days crying in my room (because guilty lol). They are not the people who were with me when I was at my worst and when I was the top shining super-star! The feelings are different. Because you know, once you graduated from high school or once your family moved to a different country or city, the chance of meeting your friends altogether again is almost impossible.

Talking from own experiences you know how shitty I felt when I look at my last yearbook? You know how shitty I felt when I look at my album and saw pictures of my friends and realizing that it was the end of our bonding. You know how shitty I felt every single time I think about how far we are physically from each other and realizing that it is almost impossible for all of us to be reunited again? And do you know what is the shittiest? Facing the painful reality that on your wedding day, most probably none of them will be able to make it.

At this point on, I have always wanted to have my own little group of friends where I can be myself and not worry about getting judged. I’ve always wanted the slumber party at our own rent apartment where we can talk about anything, and watch movies and just fall asleep. Oh, life would be if I have my best friends around right now. But I guess it is time to move on and just make new friends and spend ample amount of time together. Enjoy while it lasts!

Friends?

It is common to have a sudden thought when you are in your shower. Of course, I am one of those people that think a lot especially when I’m in shower. Sometimes I think about the weirdest thing possible. But anyways, today I decided to share what I thought about.

I was just thinking about friends. It makes me wonder what is friend? What is the meaning of friend? Who are my friends? Who do I consider as my friends? Do I consider people as my friend by how much I hangout with them? Or the longer I’m stuck with someone, do I consider that as a friendship? Or to people that I share my secrets to? What is friend?

Last time I had a talk with someone. I see her as my friend of course but that does not mean she sees me as her friend too no? We did a little bit of catching up about our lives and all and out of the blue, I just thought about our conversation. We both complained about our other friends. And we rant about them. We were not satisfied with what we feel towards them. But we still consider ourselves as their friends. We hang out with them. Talk to them. At the same time, we talk bad about them to other people. While I was in my shower, massaging my head with shampoo, I think that it is not fair for all of my friends. Especially those who I talk bad about. I feel like if I’m not satisfied with them I should confront about it like how I usually do with my siblings or my parents. If I don’t feel good about them, I tell them and they accepted it with open heart. No awkwardness. No touchy-feelings. Nothing. It usually just ended up with, ‘Alright, okay okay, sorry. Won’t do it again’. But why can’t I do the same thing with my friends?

Sure, maybe I’m afraid that they might get sensitive about it. But again, if they are really your friends, shouldn’t they accept it? Idk. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends. I feel like I’m so distant to everyone. Everyone that I consider as friends. I’m not sure if it’s because of the long-distance friendship that I’m having; that it is making it like this. Or, I’m just thinking too much about the word ‘friend’.

Anyway, to all my friends that I talk behind to with other people (also usually my other group of friends), I’m sorry. I don’t think it is fair for you guys to deserve such bad mouthing from me while you guys text me and ask how I’m doing. How hypocrite of me and that’s really unfair. But next time if I tell you something about you that doesn’t satisfy me, please accept it without making it awkward with being sensitive about it. And of course, as I’m very aware about myself, I’m annoying. Like I can be extremely annoying that most of the time you really just want to punch me in the face. And if you do feel like that, please let me know as well. Just tell me straight to the point without beating around the bush.

A little bit of catching up?

Hallurrr ~

Damn Nazihah! Back at it again with the studying!

I don’t think I have the time to even update this blog actually. I am so overwhelmed with 3 essays due in 2 weeks + an essay due this week + work + volunteer work. Now it really sounds like I just threw my social life away eh?

But what am I doing here instead of working on my work ? Yeah, I’m updating this blog because I don’t feel like working on my assessments. My motivation level is literally rolling down the hill. I have morning class tomorrow and I have to wake up super early because I need to get ready and it takes me hours just to get myself dressed!

Anyhow… Let’s catch up with my not so interesting life.

My work life is very depressing so I rather not talk about it at all (Working is not fun anyway). My social life is actually not so bad because I didn’t throw it away completely yet. I’m still trying to find time to fit my social life in so I can still at least look like a human. Rather than a panda looking person. My cooking level just gets better every time so dear future husband, you are one lucky man! 😉 HAHA. My uni life, ahh how do I talk about this… UHHH … Dead. Yeah. Dead. That’s the word. So many researches to do and essays to write + presentations to prepare. Not to mention, A GROUP PRESENTATION AS WELL. OH LORD! I don’t know how I’m going to work with my group mates because I seriously don’t know any of them and I just don’t know how to lead this group because obviously no one is bossing me around.

It makes me feel very homesick honestly. I just miss my mom’s cooking. I just miss teasing my grandma at home while she’s sleeping or watching TV. I just miss my family right now. Tough life. I don’t know how my body is even functioning right now because I think I’m overusing it. I need like a good rest and sleep and full body massage.

But at least while I’m complaining and whining about these, my parents and friends…  They listen a lot and they are always encouraging me and leave me with motivational words. So kudos to them!

Daddy said, “Challenges and adversities are there for you to face. Setbacks and challenges are the best teacher in life. Don’t easily give up. Hang on and you will cherish that experiences….”

Mommy always reminds me not to miss my prayers.

Guess I’m all set again?

 

20s!

Hello there! I only have few more days left for my vacation… Sad, I know. I don’t want to go back yet. I am not ready. But that’s life. (I am currently writing this on Feb, 1st, 2016. Probably by the time this post is being posted, I am already in Malaysia celebrating my older sister’s birthday.)

Anyway, most of us are now around our 20s or legal or soon to be legal/20s. We are all growing up and as a matter of fact, sometimes, we don’t even realized that we are already an adult. We don’t feel like we are ready to live on our own. We don’t feel like we are big enough to be paying the bills, rent, tuition fees, etc. We don’t feel like we are responsible enough to be using the kitchen and cooking utensils.

But let’s face it. We are already at that point of life where we are supposed to be accepting the fact that we are no longer a kid. Even though we still feel the same when we were 10, 15, and even 20! You might be feeling the same even later when you reached 30 unless you change the way you think .No. We are no longer in school and the fact that most of us are no longer living with our parents. We are adults. We cook for ourselves, we do our own laundry, we pay our own rent and bills, and we manage our own money whether it being our allowance or our own income. Most importantly, you are your own guardian.

Sometimes I wonder how am I suppose to act like one? How am I supposed to make sure that I don’t rely too much on my parents? Especially after finding out that most of my friends are already making their own money while I am still crawling under my parents armpit looking for care? But then I figured something out. In order for me to act like an adult and be a responsible adult, I have to accept the fact that I am an adult. No matter what.

Desert camp

 

Hey guise! Hope you guys are all doing greaat! I haven’t been updating my blog because yknow, I have been so busy watching dramas, chilling with the family, and of course having so much fun! It gets a little boring though when I kinda realized that I can’t chill with my peanuts cuz they’re in yanbu and wtf they are seniors! :O Really wished that I could fly to Yanbu and visit them sometime. Anyhows, since I’m stuck in Jubail, I haven’t go scuba diving which is kinda smeh. But here’s something that I’d like to share with you guys!

Guess what I did? :>

Never done this when I was in yanbu…

WEEE~ DESERT CAMP! hahah I’m so used to beach camps but really this one is new and I’m loving it.

My family with other two families went to a desert for a camp and played ATV till we were so exhausted! Then, at night we were barbequeing and chilled in the cold winter weather. But still it was a lot of fun and I really wanted to this again soon! But I already suggested for a scuba diving because I’m missing the smell and taste of the ocean.

Hereee goes the video because my words can’t express enough the enjoyment and the excitement that I had that day!

Welcome 2016

Happy New Year guise!!! I hope you guys all enjoyed your New Year’s celebration…

How was my celebration? Uhm, let’s see. I didn’t celebrate it haha. Honestly, I wasn’t even waiting for the clock to hit 1200 o’clock for 2016. I thought well, it’s just going to be another year. “New year, new me” hahah really? I mean obviously every year people change. People are not gonna stay the same each year… Including me. Thoughts, personality, looks,.. everything. You name it. They all changed.

For me? I don’t know. 2015 did quite a lot of damaged on me and I’ve noticed myself changing each year. I’m not the same as I was 2 or 3 years ago. I was happier, enjoying things, fewer problem I think. The way I think, and look at things,… they are all different now. My defense mechanism also changed. How different though?

Well back then, I was more optimistic, cheerful, do things that actually make me happy and most of the time, I feel at ease. I never cared of how I look, the way I dressed or what I think about how people look at me. But I think as I grow older, I feel myself changing,… more mature (?) and surprisingly, I started taking people’s nasty comments seriously. I’m still optimistic but it wasn’t the same as I was few years ago. I’m still happy but happy in a different way… Actually now, I’d say I feel more blessed instead of happy.

Seriously, I hate the fact that these nasty comments started creeping in my soul… Like “you are so fat. You need to lose some weight.”, “ I think you should take care of your face because look at those pimples.” , “ you’re so stupid.” , “be a little bit more feminine. You’re a girl, not a tomboy.”… etc etc etc. People have been telling me these stuffs since few years ago… Family, friends (new/old), everyone… you name it. But I didn’t care. I gave zero fucks. I just laughed it off… But like now, whoa… I can’t believe that I’m letting those comments affect me. At some point, I take these comments as a challenge to change. But then, why should I change? For people? Hell no. I don’t live to satisfy people. But since it’s been bothering me a lot for a while now, and it’s 2016, so it’s game time! I’m going to change for myself and just to make your jaw drop, eyes poppin’, heart melt (lol joke)

Hahah but for real though, if you guys set goals to change, change for yourself and change to be better. Don’t do it for other people cuz they don’t worth your time. If you haven’t live a happy life, take this chance to live happily. If you get hurt a lot because of others, lower your expectations. But that doesn’t mean that you should stop loving people. Love first, then you’ll be loved.