One step closer.

 

Without realizing it is already May and it has been almost 4 months since the biggest life changing event incident happened to my family. I must admit that the first two months of the semester really destroyed me as a person. The fact that my summer vacation turned into a nightmare was really hard to believe. I am taking Exercise and Sports Science for my degree and of course I have to learn things such as giving first aid and etc. So it made it harder for me to focus because I couldn’t run from thinking about the incident. Plus the same picture of the incident kept on replaying in my mind. At times I had hard times breathing and I felt suffocated, and when I was in lectures, my mind went completely blank and I just couldn’t listen to what my lecturers were talking about. I spent times crying in the shower, buses and trains. Yeah, it was that bad. But I tried to keep going. I swear I tried because I felt especially bad to those who sponsored for my tuition fees for this semester.

At a certain point, I decided to bring myself up again because I know my dad wouldn’t like to see me acting the way I did. So I told my housemates to write me motivational notes so that I could stick them on my board, whenever I miss talking my dad, I write letters to him (in which they will remain undelivered in this world), I tried writing motivational quotes for myself and I tried giving myself a pep talk every morning in front of the mirror and during autumn break, I went traveling with my friends and just enjoyed the good companies. Every time I was feeling extremely depressed, I kept giving myself reasons to why I can’t behave the way I did. I realized that I am the one who is in charge of how I feel. As sad as I may be, I am the one who decides whether I should let myself getting destroyed because I am in control of my emotions. I gave myself some thoughts and I realized that there are people who are going through worse than what my family and I are going through. I also realized that whenever I feel sad, it was me who decided to feel sad and that same goes with being happy.

I may look like a woman with a heart of steel. I may look like I am strong inside out. But just with a fact that I am a human being, I do feel sad, and I am fragile. So I am very thankful and feeling very blessed with the fact that I am surrounded with good friends. The friends who constantly give me mental supports and keep checking up on me every once in a while to see whether I am doing okay or not. To all my friends, thank you so much I just don’t know how to pay this debt. Just letting you know, I am starting to accept the reality and fate that Allah has given me.

 

Here’s a short video of my autumn break trip to Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “One step closer.

  1. ❤❤❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The road to happiness and accepting fate is not easy. I’m glad you’ve chosen to include me in your life. Proud of how far you’ve come and how far you’re going ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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