Friends?

It is common to have a sudden thought when you are in your shower. Of course, I am one of those people that think a lot especially when I’m in shower. Sometimes I think about the weirdest thing possible. But anyways, today I decided to share what I thought about.

I was just thinking about friends. It makes me wonder what is friend? What is the meaning of friend? Who are my friends? Who do I consider as my friends? Do I consider people as my friend by how much I hangout with them? Or the longer I’m stuck with someone, do I consider that as a friendship? Or to people that I share my secrets to? What is friend?

Last time I had a talk with someone. I see her as my friend of course but that does not mean she sees me as her friend too no? We did a little bit of catching up about our lives and all and out of the blue, I just thought about our conversation. We both complained about our other friends. And we rant about them. We were not satisfied with what we feel towards them. But we still consider ourselves as their friends. We hang out with them. Talk to them. At the same time, we talk bad about them to other people. While I was in my shower, massaging my head with shampoo, I think that it is not fair for all of my friends. Especially those who I talk bad about. I feel like if I’m not satisfied with them I should confront about it like how I usually do with my siblings or my parents. If I don’t feel good about them, I tell them and they accepted it with open heart. No awkwardness. No touchy-feelings. Nothing. It usually just ended up with, ‘Alright, okay okay, sorry. Won’t do it again’. But why can’t I do the same thing with my friends?

Sure, maybe I’m afraid that they might get sensitive about it. But again, if they are really your friends, shouldn’t they accept it? Idk. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends. I feel like I’m so distant to everyone. Everyone that I consider as friends. I’m not sure if it’s because of the long-distance friendship that I’m having; that it is making it like this. Or, I’m just thinking too much about the word ‘friend’.

Anyway, to all my friends that I talk behind to with other people (also usually my other group of friends), I’m sorry. I don’t think it is fair for you guys to deserve such bad mouthing from me while you guys text me and ask how I’m doing. How hypocrite of me and that’s really unfair. But next time if I tell you something about you that doesn’t satisfy me, please accept it without making it awkward with being sensitive about it. And of course, as I’m very aware about myself, I’m annoying. Like I can be extremely annoying that most of the time you really just want to punch me in the face. And if you do feel like that, please let me know as well. Just tell me straight to the point without beating around the bush.

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